Empowered Relationships explores romantic relationships from the energetic-spiritual perspective. The book’s main focus is on what I call the four major wounds: rejection, control, fear and separation. Through guidance as well as original meditations and practical exercises, I bring awareness to these wounds and show the reader how to transform and transcend them, in the process finding the true source of love, trust, union and freedom. Ultimately, these wounds are our teachers, and when we understand their messages, we can have fuller, more conscious, empowered relationships.
For the last twenty years I have been focused on learning how to have more conscious, empowered relationships. I have studied many forms of energy healing, bodywork and psychotherapy, so my approach to my work is both eclectic and holistic. As a healer, I see clients for private sessions and teach classes on spiritual development, which include guided meditations and exercises. This book came about through the encouragement of my students, many of whom feel that my work has really helped them, and even though the feedback still amazes me, my own life is proof of the dramatic changes that can happen from applying these ideas and exercises.
How It All Began
1.- What Is an Empowered Relationship?
2.- The Human Energy Field
3.- The Duality of Our Existence
4.- The Empowered ‘I’
5.- The Middle “WE”
6.- The Four Major Wounds
7.- The Wound of Rejection & Abandonment
8.- The Wound of Control
9.- The Wound of Fear
10.- The Wound of Separation
11.- The Messages We Learn From Our Wounds
12.- How to Create… …
About the Author
As we embark on this journey together, I would just like to say that I truly hope that this information will be life-changing or at least that it will bring some new ideas. We will be going a bit deeper into relationships which, for me, were a big question mark for a long time. I never really had a good model of what a good relationship was, and after many, many years, I copied my mother. By the age of thirty, I had had three major relationships – and they were just a disaster. I was completely heartbroken. I had a sense that I simply had lost myself. At the age of thirty, I said, ‘I can’t do this anymore – I give up. Relationships are just not for me.’ I was really enjoying my career, my job … I had lovely friends. So I said, ‘OK, well, I think this is enough … I’m happy with this. You know, I can just have an easy life.’
But one day, I was throwing away some old stuff, and I found a bunch of letters and journals that I used to write, so I started to read these journals. I had a journal of my first relationship, so I read that. Then, I found a journal of my second relationship … and I read that. And next, I came across a journal of my third relationship, so I read that as well. And I was shocked, because in every single relationship, what I wrote was the same. I felt the same. I still didn’t know what to do with this information, even though I knew it meant something. At that point, I just didn’t know what it meant. So after I reflected and really went inside myself, I realized that throughout my whole life, I had been blaming these men because they were making me feel this, and they were this and that, and I was ‘poor me’, a victim – I was a good person, a good girl … how come all these things were happening to me? But what I realized was that what I said they were making me feel, I already had – feelings of being controlled, being rejected, being put down.
But then I realized that these feelings hadn’t just started with my relationships. They had started many, many, many years ago in my family environment, in my relationship with my father, in the relationship between my father and my mother. So this was a big moment for me. I had this really important information – and that was great … but now, I had to ask the question: ‘OK, so, what do I do with this now?’ In the meantime, though, something happened inside me, and I said, ‘OK, I’ll have one more relationship, and this one has to work. There’s no way this relationship is going to fail – I’m just not going through that again. I’m going to do everything that I can to make this relationship work.’ So with that intention in place – and it’s well known that the Universe is quite good at responding to our intentions – the Universe brought me SOMEONE … and you know what they say, you get what you ask for … well, I got what I asked for. I had the opportunity to be in a relationship with a man where I could really explore and heal all of these wounds that I had. That might sound really nice, but it actually takes a lot of hard work and awareness and commitment to loving yourself in order to be in a loving relationship and to create that. What I realized was that in any given relationship – when we’re talking about an empowered relationship – there is me (or you), and it is very important that we don’t lose our identities; there are the other individuals in our lives, and it’s very important that they don’t lose their identities; and then there is the relationship, the energy that we both create together, which is a co-creation. And this is something I never knew about before … I never co-created in a relationship before. My style was that I would enter into a relationship and I would just lose myself. I had no sense of who I was – I would just completely lose myself to the other person.
So I learned that. I learned that the most important relationship any of us ever has is our relationship with ourselves. All our other relationships are nothing but a mirror that reflects how we view ourselves. Our relationships will be as positive or as negative as our view of our own selves.
Once I understood this, I realized that I had to relinquish my fears and live and love in the moment. The only person I could really pass judgment on was myself because it was only over myself that I had control. I could no more control the actions of others than I could fly to the proverbial moon.
Thus began my understanding of what it means to have empowered relationships and the amazing happiness that comes with the ability to have truly equal and loving relationships in life. I know firsthand that if you are willing to put in the time and effort to heal old wounds and scars and move past your current comfort zone, you too can have the joy and completeness that come with having empowered relationships in your life.