How to Heal the Mother and Father Wound

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Our forefathers’ destructiveness, however it may have manifested, was just their way of showing their pain. But their essence is the same as our essence. Their essence is Love. When I talk about acceptance, it doesn’t mean accepting what they have done. Rather, it means accepting their souls and their pain, without judging that pain. Of course, we have been the receivers of their behaviour, and we may still be experiencing emotional, physical or mental inheritances related to that. In the case of my own family, it was my two brothers, my mother and myself against the other side of the family. But we needed to look beyond all that since they as well as we were acting from a place of pain. The essence of every individual is Soul. Acknowledging that is essential to the healing process, because only when we reach that point will we find freedom.

There are no basically good or bad people. People may do horrible things, but that doesn’t make them fundamentally bad – they are just behaving destructively. We have this belief in our heads that if we don’t do A, B or C, then we are good people. We don’t want to be bad people, so we sell ourselves to the idea of becoming good people, or we actually identify with being good people. But we are selling our souls in a way. At the end of the day, who cares if you are a good person if you can’t be yourself? I was in a place where I put everybody else first, and I never had any time for myself. One day I said, ‘I have had enough of this. Some day I will wonder what I did with my life.’ I can still be compassionate and help others, but I no longer get into the whole codependency thing of ‘If you go to my event, then I will go to yours.’

They say that ‘what you resist persists’, so if you are afraid of being like your mother or father and you keep resisting them, you can be sure that this pattern will show up again and again in your life. In any given situation, there is no good person or bad person, and there are no good or bad emotions. There are not even good or bad thoughts. I am not a good or a bad person – I am just a person. Sometimes I act creatively or from a place of love, compassion or awareness. Then there are other times when, because I’m still here in Earth school and I’ve forgotten to maintain my awareness, I behave in destructive or fearful ways, or I project my thoughts and feelings onto others. But that doesn’t make me good or bad. It’s just my way of learning who I am. I am also not what I feel. What I feel is something that happens through me, but it’s not who I am. Nor am I my actions. That does not mean that I am not responsible for my thoughts, feelings and actions – just that who I truly am is something much deeper and that identifying with externals or anything less than my essential being is to misunderstand my true nature and limit my potential.

I had a client who had just lost her job, and she was having issues with this. She was feeling like a nobody because of her physical circumstances. But our circumstances and accomplishments are not who we are – they’re just what we see or do. It’s similar to identifying with the knowledge we have. Someone with encyclopaedic knowledge might think that that is who they are, because they strongly identify with it. Until we can see the different layers of whatever situation we are in or whatever we are feeling, we cannot heal our issues. Only when we accept those parts that we’ve repressed can we also accept what other people are showing us.